From FOMO to YOLO: Getting comfortable with being by myself

I used to always want to surround myself with people. I never went anywhere without my high school bestfriend. People probably thought we lived together LOL. Hannah went on my family vacations, to my grandparents house, to different events with my mom & I.. Sometimes, I wouldn’t even be home and she was at my house. We were inseparable.

But, as people grow up never being without my bestfriend turned into never being without my boyfriend. Same thing — Family vacations, family holidays, family outings.. Someone was always there..

It was like that for awhile.

College was slightly different until i found my group of people. That quickly became never going anywhere unless someone else was with me. Kyle, Austin, Andrew, Annie, Summer, Jamie, Justine, COLIN. Someone was always there. I was an extrovert. I loved being around people. I loved doing things with others.

COVID hit and that was uncomfy.. Austin moved out of our tiny two bedroom apartment and I was alone. Kyle moved in for a little while, but then I moved home. I just wanted to be surrounded by people. My family.. commotion, anything.

It wasn’t until I moved home, that I realized being alone isn’t all that bad. Having my own space, my own kitchen, not sharing a bathroom. Its pretty alright.

I moved back to my tiny two bedroom apartment in May of 2020. I met Colin that September. Co-dependency all over again. We did EVERYTHING together. Cleaning, Walmart runs, he would even come sit with me at work on the weekends when it was slow. It was nice. Until realization slapped me in the face that if this were to last, May of 2021 I would be alone again in a whole new state, with all new people, wtf do I do then?

May of 2021 rolled around quickly.. My Ford Focus packed to the top Colin and I drove to Florida where I would start my summer internship knowing NO ONE.

Colin left 3 days later. I sat in my room and cried. I was in a new state, all by myself and four short days after that I would be almost completely no contact with Colin when he left for basic training. Handwritten letters and random phones (seriously so random, i answered one at a baseball game once)..

Looking back almost 3 years later, that was the best experience I have ever had. I got to know myself so well. I became comfortable with being alone. I would go to the dog park and force myself to talk to random strangers (odd, because my mom does that just about everywhere we go. Lol) I got comfortable going to the store by myself, I got comfortable going to eat by myself. I got comfortable doing what at the time was the most uncomfy thing in the world to me. And better yet.. in the midst of conquering all of that alone, I met some of my best friends in the process. I have amazing friendships with so many awesome people. All from an experience I was once TERRIFIED of.

This week is the second week that Colin has gone back to Ohio for drill since we have lived in Georgia and while I love my husband, I can honestly say I love the time we have spent apart from one another.

I love being able to binge the girliest show in the world while sitting in my big comfy tshirt, I love being able to wander aimlessly around target by myself without a care in the world. I love being able to just be okay being by myself. Something I never thought I would be.

**Disclaimer: I had MAD FOMO when Colin was hanging out for dinner this past week at my moms and got to see my whole family .. (I miss them).

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to go pick Colin up here in a few short hours — But being okay with being alone has allowed so much growth for me, It has allowed for so much more independence. Not feeling like I have had to rely on anyone to do anything has been so beautiful in this new stage of life for me.

I hope others can eventually reach that point in life too. I always thought it was so bizarre how people liked to be alone, eat alone, or just be in their own space. But I get it now..

I really do get it.