The Uncomfortable Journey of Outgrowing My Clothes

I struggle deeply with body dysmorphia. I noticed it more and more once I got into college, but can date it back to certain points in high school.. I have always been obsessed with appearance, whether that be how I appear to my peers or even myself. I have always been obsessed with the number on the scale, no matter how big or how small that number be. 

But, the thing I struggle with most is my clothes no longer fitting.. I struggle when a shirt from HIGH SCHOOL doesnt fit or my favorite pair of athletic shorts that I wore all throughout senior year becomes to tight around my thighs. Why does my comfort hoodie that I wore as a freshman no longer fit? 

In my mind, I cannot seem to realize that I am no longer in high school. I am no longer the 115 pound underweight senior in high school. It is OKAY that clothes from 5+ years ago no longer fit. Clothes shrink in the dryer Delaney… Clothes after 5+ years get worn out. 

Photo from my Freshman Year of High School Photo from my Freshman year of College Photo Now (Dec 2023)

When I come across an item that no longer fits, I find myself seeking out over sized-shirts, shorts and colin’s sweatpants so I can wear something that feels “too big” for me. Something I can feel small in. Trying to camouflage all the parts of me that I think require a “fix” 

I had become fixated on my appearance and how my legs look, my stomach looks, my thighs.. They have never felt “good enough” or “skinny enough” and I find myself fixated on what I deemed “issues” with myself. 

Going into 2024, I wanted a fresh start for myself. Toward the end of the year I stopped focusing on the number on the scale. I stopped weighing myself and based things more on how I felt in my clothing. I went through all of my clothes and purged the majority of my “old” clothes I had for 5+ years or so. 

I am learning that it is okay that I no longer fit into my clothes from freshman year of high school. It is okay that I don’t fit into the same shorts as 115lb freshman Delaney. I am growing, both physically and mentally and that is okay.